The Helpless
by Freedom Fighter
Summary: Vanessa is stuck on another one of her father's "business trips in the guise of a vacation," and isn't pleased. But she has a bigger issue... she bumps into an old acquaintance, who is trying to avoid being assassinated by the Cuban mob! Guess who's stuck keeping her alive?
1. Act One

**The Helpless  
Story Written by Freedom Fighter**

It's been more than a year since I finished the "Vanessa's Moral Wars" trilogy and figured it's high time I wrote another Vanessa Doofenshmirtz tale! So, here it is! It's Vanessa at her butt-kicking best in this three-part mini-series, which also features a beloved original character from the aforementioned trilogy. If you've never read the trilogy, you probably won't know about the history between her and Vanessa, so I recommend you do that first. Also, in keeping up with the show's timeline, this takes place a short, unknown period of time after the episode "Sipping with the Enemy."

Enjoy Act One! Acts Two and Three will follow the next two Mondays!

**Disclaimer: **A certain original character is my creation and belongs to me. Vanessa and the other characters of 'Phineas and Ferb' belong to Disney.

* * *

An aqua-colored rental car pulled out of a Florida airport parking deck and towards the highway. Behind the wheel was Doctor Doofenshmirtz, and beside him, his elated daughter, Vanessa.

"I can't believe it!" she exclaimed with glee. "An actual vacation!"

"Yes, of course!" Dr. D said in response. "I'm your father, after all. I have to do things for you, after all."

"Yeah, but never would I have ever expected for you to take me to _The Happiest Place on Earth_!"

Doofenshmirtz chuckled. "Yeah. That."

"And no -inators!"

Doofenshmirtz reached under his chin and started scratching it.

"And most importantly, no bringing your work with you! No evil whatsoever!"

Vanessa was happy to have said that. She truly believed this was an actual, stress- and evil-free vacation.

Then she saw her dad anxiously rubbing the back of his neck. It was too good to be true. She groaned.

"Ugh, I knew it, **I KNEW IT! DAD!**"

"Wait, wait, Vanessa, I can explain! And let me, 'cause we're already on the freeway and your mom would kill me if you jumped out of a car going 80!"

The 16-year old teen glared at her father, not happy about being dragged on another one of her father's schemes under the guise of a father-daughter vacation. But she had no choice but to listen.

"Go ahead."

"Well, Vanessa, you see..."

* * *

Two hours later...

"...and that's why we're here, as I'm a guest speaker at EvilCon Southeast, to inspire the would-be villains of tomorrow how to take over a tri-area! Neat, huh? Oh, look, we're here!"

The explanation did not need to take that long, but Doofenshmirtz had stretched it enough so that he would finish just in time for their arrival at their destination. Vanessa peered out the passenger window and saw a large anchor which served as the town's welcome marker. And on it was the town's name.

Seagulch.

* * *

Doctor Doofenshmirtz parked in the lot of the hotel where EvilCon Southeast was going on. As he turned the key towards him to shut off the engine, he saw that Vanessa had her arms crossed over her chest. She huffed in anger.

"Look, I know you're mad, Vanessa..."

"Understatement of the year," she deadpanned.

"...so I'm not expecting you to come in and watch my speech. So..."

He reached over, bending slightly over his daughter's lap in order to get to the glove compartment. He pulled the latch, allowing the door to drop downward and reveal what he was hiding inside.

Vanessa's face lit up like a Christmas tree.

"Is that the new iFone5?"

"Yes!" exclaimed Dr. D.

Vanessa opened the box. Seconds later, the new smartphone was in her hands.

"Consider it an early birthday present!"

"But my birthday's ten months away."

"That's how much I love you, Vanessa! Go, turn it on!"

Vanessa did so as her father continued to talk.

"Had the guy at the store preload a bunch of popular apps, whatever those are. Cost a lot, that's for sure!"

The brunette was amazed at everything that had come with her phone. Until she spotted one particular app that made her uneasy.

"Uh, Dad? What's Norm doing on my iFone?"

She pointed at an app represented by Norm's head inside a blue box.

"That's the best part! Look!"

He pressed the box, which expanded to a blue screen. Norm's head appeared. And it just stayed there, looking out of the screen.

"Okay, Vanessa, now get out of the car..."

The two of them did. Vanessa then watched as her father pointed at a shirtless teenage boy with a visible six-pack of abs.

"Hey, you! Wanna get with my daughter?"

"**DAD!**"

"What? You're single after you dumped that punk, right?"

Vanessa was about to correct him, but she could not. One, because she could not reveal whom her new boyfriend was. And, two, the guy her dad had called over was now a few feet away from them.

And then, out of the blue, came Norm's voice.

"**WARNING! WARNING! **This girl is 16! Stay away! She has cooties!"

Upon hearing that, the hot guy panicked, then ran away, screaming.

"Not worth it, man!" he shouted.

"Dad..." groaned Vanessa, covering her face with her hands, in embarrassment.

"See? Florida is full of gators and cougars! The cougar part never made much sense to me, but that's what the brochure said. Anyway, this'll keep you safe."

"Ugh! It's like having Norm in my pocket!"

"And don't even think of turning him off!"

To ensure Vanessa would comply, he pulled out his wallet and gave her 50 dollars.

"Now, make sure to be back by four for dinner! I heard the chowder place here is to die for!"

With that, Doctor Doofenshmirtz headed for the hotel entrance. He also had the only pair of keys to the rental car, which meant that if Vanessa was going to go anywhere, she would have to walk.

* * *

20 minutes later, Vanessa emerged from a local cafe. She was in a better mood now, thanks to the cup of cappuccino she had walked out with.

"If an out-of-the-way cafe like this can make one of these," she said aloud, "maybe this place isn't so bad after all."

She made her way down the street, taking small sips from her cup along the way, as she headed towards an outdoor market. She did not even care that her dad tricked into believing he was taking her to the Happiest Place on Earth, in doing so pulling her away from her friends. As well as preempting a date with her new boyfriend that she had originally planned for tonight.

She felt like the happiest person on the planet.

"She's 16!" the Norm app shouted from Vanessa's jacket pocket. "**HANDS OFF, MISTER!**"

Vanessa rolled her eyes.

"Way to ruin it, Norm... I mean, Dad."

She started to reach down with her right hand to pull out her new phone out, when, all of a sudden, she felt someone shove her violently aside. Vanessa quickly moved to retain her balance and keep her cappuccino from flying out of her left hand. She hopped on her left foot twice before finally setting down her right, regaining control of her body. And her caffeinated drink, which she gripped tightly and refused to let go of.

"Sorry!" came the heavily-labored voice of the girl who had bumped her.

Whoever it was, the person kept on going, only managing to apologize on instinct and without looking back.

"Sheesh," griped Vanessa. "Some people."

"I will cut you, boy!" exclaimed Norm, speaking up again.

"What?"

She went to get her phone a second time. And again, she was shoved hard in the back. Twice! She had no chance to save herself this time, as Vanessa fell to the road, with her knees and elbows hitting first, followed by the rest of her body. Vanessa looked up just in time to see that two adult men had run into her. And, like the girl from a few seconds ago, they did not even glance back to see what they had hit.

Even worse, the two did not even so much as mutter an apology.

"Rude much?" growled Vanessa.

She then looked ahead of her a few feet, where her cup had landed. Her wonderful, well-priced cappuccino was spilling out of the styrofoam cup before her eyes.

"You guys owe me!" she shouted, shaking her fists at the two men.

Vanessa then picked the cup off of the ground and began scanning the area for a trash can. As her eyes wandered, a light bulb went off in the memory department of her brain.

"Wait a sec... that girl! I think I know her! And... **SHE'S BEING CHASED!**"

* * *

The girl in question was a 16-year old pig-tailed blonde, gasping for air as she tried to lose her pursuers in the heavy crowds - for this small town, anyway - of the market. Her ample chest heaved up and down underneath her pink short sleeve shirt with a crocodile's head emblem on it, while her long legs moved unimpeded by her knee-length orange skirt. If not for the fact that she was wearing her black boots with four-inch heels today, she would have lost them long ago. As it was, though, she was running just fast enough to keep her pursuers a good, consistent 400 feet or so behind her.

"Come back here!" one of the men shouted at her.

The path in front of her was clear, except for the large fruit car parked in the middle of the street.

"No time to go 'round!" she thought.

She leaped from her feet and dove, arms-first, in between the cart's blue-and-white striped canopy and the top of the highest pile of fruit. In the process, she snatched one apple from the cart with one hand and tossed three quarters and a dime at the vendor, who caught the coins in amazement. The girl balled herself up on the other side, safely executing a rolling landing. She rolled right back up on her two feet and kept on running. The men followed a few seconds later, after going the long way around either side of the cart.

"Yaaaaa!" squealed the young woman. "I can't die! I still have a year of high school to enjoy!"

She turned left, darting around a sharp corner and heading away from the market. She quickly believed the turn was fast enough that the two men chasing her did not see it.

Then, out of nowhere, a pair of arms reached out from an alley. One wrapped around her mouth, while the other just beneath her chest. The figure pulled her in without much trouble. A few seconds later, the two men came to that exact location, and stopped.

"Where'd she go?" one of them asked.

The other guy wanted to answer, but he was bent over, about to lose his lunch after running so hard.

"I told you to quit smoking! Just 'cause we're Cubans doesn't mean we have to pop a cigar every day to live!"

He shook his head as he helped his friend walk back the way they came. The narrow street was then silent for about 15 seconds, before the girl stumbled back out from the alley, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

"Gee, Doofy, when's the last time you washed your hands!"

"Now, now, Carly..."

Doofy, or, rather, Vanessa, stepped out from the alley with a smirk on her face.

"...is that any way to greet someone who just saved your life?"

* * *

Meanwhile, in Phineas and Ferb's backyard, in the suburbs of Danville…

"I know what we're going to do today!"

Phineas began to explain his idea to Ferb, but none of it was audible. Or much less understandable, at least to Perry the Platypus, who was looking down at the yard from the boys' bedroom window. Once he was sure their eyes were turned away from him, Perry stood up on his hind legs and made his way to the boys' closet. A few seconds later, he located the hidden access tube to his lair, and jumped in.

One whole minute of tube sliding later, Perry landed in his chair, with Major Monogram already on-screen, ready to give a mission briefing. Perry's fedora landed on his head, signaling the start of the meeting.

"Good mid-morning, Agent P! Doofenshmirtz has decided to take his evil scheming on the road! We have intel that says that he and his daughter boarded a plane headed for Orlando a few hours ago!"

A picture of a mouse appeared in the right-hand corner of the screen.

"Agent M was supposed to keep a tail on him, but he lost them. Recent satellite photos have come in, though, suggesting that Doof has driven to some backwater burg in the southwestern part of Florida, near Gator Alley!"

A map replaced the photo, with the approximate location of Seagulch, Florida indicated by a star on a plain green map of the state.

"Doofenshmirtz in an alley with alligators spells nothing but trouble! Find out what he's up to, and put a stop to it!"

Agent P saluted the major and then headed for the exit.

* * *

Back at the cafe, Vanessa emerged once more. This time, she had bought a cup for Carly, as well as one to replace the one that she had lost. Carly was sitting at one of the three outdoor tables, looking at a video hologram scrapbook. It was cycling through pictures of the times the two girls had previously spent together. It eventually got to one in which they were posing in their spy uniforms: Carly in carnation pink and Vanessa in apricot.

"**CARLY!**"

Vanessa reached in and grabbed the handheld projection device, shutting it off in the process.

"You can't just go and show those off in public!"

She pocketed the device and then took a seat at the table. She handed Carly her cup before taking a sip from her own. They sat there silently for a few seconds, drinking their cappuccinos. Then...

"Okay, Carly, what are you doing here?"

"I live here, silly! Don't you remember, Doofy? I'm a Floridian girl!"

She pointed to the crocodile emblem on her shirt.

"I thought we went through this! Stop calling me Doofy!"

"I'm sorry, Vanessa! But you'll always be Doofy to me."

The brunette groaned. "Remind me to wear a nametag around you."

"So, what brings you here to the state of peaches?"

Ignoring the fact that Carly did not know her state's fruit was the orange, Vanessa decided to change the subject.

"Who were those guys chasing you? And why didn't you kick their butts? You're a..."

Carly nodded, not understanding that Vanessa was trying to coax her into saying the s-word.

"You know... a... a..."

The blonde was still dumbfounded. Vanessa just decided to blurt it out.

"**A SPY!**"

Carly reached over and covered Vanessa's mouth with her hand.

"That's supposed to be top secret! You trying to blow my cover? I could have you brought in to JAILBAIT!"

She pulled away, allowing Vanessa to speak... and cringe at that name.

"Still can't believe that's the name of a major secret agent organization. That I was once a part of **AND **I was supposed to forget, under penalty of perjury! Thanks a lot, Carly!"

"You're welcome!" she replied, cheerfully ignorant of Vanessa's sarcastic tone.

"Where's your outfit? And your gadgets? And the old dude watching your every move?"

"Yeah... 'bout that? I'm... I'm on suspense!"

"Suspense? You mean suspension?"

A tear fell from Carly's left eye. "Yes! That!"

"How? What happened?"

* * *

Carly's boss, James Stuart, reached over his desk to hand Carly a credit card.

"Each agent gets their own private corporate card. I must stress that this is to be used for business expenses **ONLY**!"

He looked up and saw that Carly was now wearing a minx coat, a purple top hat, and had a big diamond ring adorning her left index finger. All of which she did not have on her five seconds ago.

* * *

"I'm on suspense two weeks without pay **AND **on probation for three months! If I make one little mistake from here on out, James said I'll be fired on the spot!"

Vanessa scratched her head.

"I don't get it. Just because you're on suspension doesn't mean you can't ask for help from the agency!"

"Yeah... that's not the only thing. See, afterwards, I kinda took on a mission... and then screwed up..."

* * *

Earlier that day...

Carly was standing in a well-furnished office of a Cuban mob don. He was reclining back in his massage chair, with two men - the ones who would later be chasing Carly - on either side of him. Carly was in uniform despite her circumstances.

"So you're telling me to stop sugar smuggling, or else?"

"That's right!" Carly said. "Unless you want my heel up... up... that place!"

The don spun in his chair, doing a complete 360-degree turn. He then snapped his fingers, and someone ran into the room. It was a freckled-face orange-haired boy, who had glasses, braces, and suspenders. Carly cringed, appalled to having to witness the sight of someone wearing all three of those, regardless of his nationality.

"On one condition, missy. You take my boy Esteban here on a date. Tonight."

"Ugh, him?" she barked, pointing condescendingly at the boy. "Yeah, right!"

The don sighed. "That's a real darn shame."

He nodded at one man, and then the other. Each of them nodded back before pulling out handguns. Seeing this, Carly screamed...

"**EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!**"

...and bolted out of the room.

* * *

"Because I said no to going out with that loser," explained Carly, "the Cubans want me dead!"

Vanessa started laughing loudly.

"You, Carly, who's dated a month's worth of guys... turned a boy down? No way!"

"**VANESSA, THIS IS SERIOUS!**" Carly screamed, slamming her cup to the ground. "I don't want to die!"

"You just wasted a good cappuccino! You... you must be really scared!"

Carly nodded.

"And since you acted without authorization, you're afraid that if you go to James **OR **the authorities, you'll lose your job!"

Carly nodded again. Vanessa thought for a minute, and then made a decision.

"I know I'm going to regret this later... but I'll help you."

"**YEAHHHHHHH!**" Carly squealed.

She hopped out of her chair and went over to embrace Vanessa in a bear hug. The brunette frowned, but let her ex-partner do what she had to.

But little did Vanessa know that one of the two men that had been chasing Carly earlier was spying on them from atop a nearby rooftop.

"The boss is gonna wanna hear about this!"

With that, he departed to report his findings.

***** End Act One *****


	2. Act Two

**The Helpless (Act Two)**

**Disclaimer: **Carly is my creation and belongs to me. Vanessa and the other characters of 'Phineas and Ferb' belong to Disney.

* * *

"Okay," Vanessa thought aloud. "First thing we should do is find a nice, quiet place, where nobody can see or hear us."

Carly's face lit up.

"I know of the perfect place! Come on, Doof- uh, Vanessa!"

The girls got up and started heading away from the cafe. Along the way, they passed by the shirtless teenage boy from earlier. The pair walked by the guy without so much as a glance...

...and then Carly sprinted back, stopping him and holding out a slip of paper with her phone number on it.

"Hey, I just met you! And this is crazy! But here's my number... so call me may-"

"**NO!**"

Vanessa cut off Carly before she could hand the slip over, reaching in and pulling the blonde away by the collar.

"Awwww..." whined Carly.

"Don't you 'awwww' me!" Vanessa shot back.

* * *

At the hotel, Doofenshmirtz was pacing back and forth in his room. He had five pages in hand, trying to rehearse and memorize the speech he was going to give at the convention downstairs in a couple hours.

"'The first key to being great at evil is to have an emotionally scarring backstory. Hand-me up girls' clothes, raised by ocelots, both parents absent at birth.' Hmmm... feels like something's amiss. Maybe that should be key point number two! But if so, what I do use for point one?"

Feeling himself starting to sweat, he started to walk to the window.

"Man, it's humid in here, even for Florida!"

He successfully managed to open the window, and he stuck his head out to get some fresh air.

"Aah, much better!"

He then heard someone knock at his door.

"Coming!"

He walked over and opened the door. To his surprise, a bellhop had come with a cart that had a tray of sandwiches on it. And the bellhop was Agent P, in disguise.

"Say, I didn't know this hotel had room service!"

He tried to grab a sandwich, but Perry jumped up from the ground and socked Doofenshmirtz in the face. That knocked him to the floor, as he landed on his butt.

"Hey! If I wanted a club sandwich, I would've said some-"

Suddenly, he gasped, as he came to a realization.

"Wait? My bellhop is a platypus? What kind of occupancy establishment are these people running here?"

Perry rolled his eyes before slowing ripping out of his bellhop uniform and then putting on his fedora.

"**PERRY THE PLATYPUS!**"

Perry attempted to hit his nemesis again. This time, though, Doofenshmirtz caught him and then chucked him towards the far corner of the room. Perry escaped serious injury by using his webbed feet to bounce off. He somersaulted and landed smack in the middle of a rollaway bed, which promptly folded inward from both ends. Perry had trapped himself, with his head sticking out of the top, between the two ends of the mattress-on-wheels.

"**A-HA! **Now I'm glad I ordered that rollaway bed, in case we stayed the night. And by we, I meant me and Vanessa. Not you and me, 'cause that would be weird, Perry the Platypus."

"Grgrgrgrgrgrgrgrgr," chirped Perry.

"Ugh, you and me both! Anyway, I'm glad you're here, because now I have someone to explain my evil scheme to!"

He leafed through his papers until he found the last page, which conveniently explained his scheme.

"Okay, here we are! So, you see, Perry the Platypus, my biggest problem is that I have no respect! I go on the Internet and find survey after survey detailing the most well-known and respected evildoers in the country. You know where I'm ranked?"

He paused, waiting for Perry to reply. When he did not, Doofenshmirtz answered his own question anyway.

"7,953rd! I'm ranked behind the Sloth King, Scrambled Alphabet Soup Man, and, get this, Rodney! **RODNEY! **He doesn't even have a full-time nemesis and yet he's got 209 on me! What, what is that even?"

He then turned to another page, which he left in front of Perry so he could read it, even as Doofenshmirtz stated some of what was on it aloud.

"Look at some of the excuses for my ranking! I'm a goof, I have a hunchback, I park in a no-parking zone... like, why the last one? I'm evil, that's what evil people do; we park where we're not supposed to!"

Doofenshmirtz picked the page back up before continuing once more.

"So I've decided to come to Evilcon Southeast, the seventh largest regional annual gathering of crooks, thieves, mad scientists, et cetera, et cetera, to prove I deserve to be ranked much higher than seven thousand, nine hundred and whatever! And to do that, I've prepared this glorious 20-minute speech and presentation! After it's complete, I will gain respect around my peers, be able to work out deals in the odd case that an evil scheme ever brings me to this part of the country, or, better yet, convince some of the lower peons to become my apprentice, allowing me to get one step closer to taking over the **TRI-STATE AREA! AH HA HA HA HA HA!**"

Perry struggled to try and get out of the trap, but it would not budge.

"I'd quit while you're ahead," Doofenshmirtz said, seeing his nemesis fidgeting. "That rollaway is a Meh brand! Certified death traps!"

Perry's eyes went wide in shock.

"You know, because they snap shut in the blink of the eye and are near impossible to get out of them, leaving the occupant to pretty much starve over the course of several days. Hmmm... maybe I won't sleep in that after all. I'll just... eh, should've booked a room with two beds instead of just one..."

Perry tilted his head to the left, pointing out Doofenshmirtz's latest -inator, which he had not explained as of yet.

"Oh, that funky designed thing? That's my Slave-Inator! Has the power to make people my slaves. You know, just in case... but my speech will go over well. You'll see."

* * *

A pink Cadillac convertible came to a stop on a side road, surrounded on both sides by swampy marsh. Carly and Vanessa emerged from the vehicle, closing their respective doors behind them.

"Carly, you **DO** realize that when I said a nice, quiet place, I didn't mean the **MIDDLE OF A SWAMP!**"

Carly shook her head as she patted Vanessa on the shoulder, in pity.

"Oh, Vanessa. We're not there yet. This is just as far as we can go by car!"

With that, Carly started walking into the swamp. Vanessa groaned audibly.

"Please tell me you're kidding."

But Carly was not, as she motioned for the brunette to follow her. Vanessa did, having no choice otherwise.

"Be very careful," warned Carly. "Step only on solid ground! Otherwise..."

She never got to finish her own sentence, as she promptly failed to follow her own advice, slipping into a hard-to-see puddle and falling face-first into it.

"...let me guess," Vanessa said, with a smirk on her face. "You'll get wet?"

* * *

A couple minutes later, the two girls - with Carly a little wet and muddy as a result of her stumble - reached a part of the swamp where the water was deep enough that walking was no longer an option.

"Now what?" asked Vanessa.

Carly answered her friend's question by pointing at a nearby bunch of bulrushes, cattails, and pondweeds. As Carly made her way towards at her, Vanessa squinted as her eyes as she tried to examine the pile closely. There was something off about it.

Carly started pulling the vegetation away. As she did, Vanessa started to notice a few alligators in the area, spread out in all directions.

"Um, Carly?"

"Don't worry," Carly said, without looking back. "The gators leave you alone as long as you keep your distance and don't act helpless!

Vanessa nodded, as she patiently waited for Carly to finish her work. Eventually, Vanessa's hunches were proven right, as buried underneath all of the plants was a hovercraft!

"Ta da!" shouted Carly, spreading her arms wide as she presented their next mode of transport.

* * *

Shortly thereafter, the girls, now wearing life jackets, were aboard the now-moving hovercraft, which Carly was piloting.

"When did you learn to pilot one of these things?" Vanessa queried.

"It's the only way to travel 'round here!" replied Carly.

Eventually, a small island came into view. On it was a huge mansion, surrounded on all sides by what appeared to be a pepper plantation.

"You **LIVE **here?"

"Oh, I wish! This is just my weekend job!"

With that, Carly steered the hovercraft towards the dock.

* * *

Back on solid land, Carly led Vanessa to the front door.

"...and Mr. and Mrs. Lincecum are on the level! They treat the whole staff nice. And they're not cursed werecats nor do zombies come out here at night. We've checked... that only happens in Louisiana!"

Vanessa looked dumbfounded. "Wha? What's that supposed to mean?"

"Werecats and zombies only live in Louisiana, duh! It was in the supernatural apparitions section of the JAILBAIT handbook, remember?"

Carly reached for the doorknob and opened the door.

"Must've skipped over that section," joked Vanessa, who clearly could not remember it existing.

Vanessa walked into the mansion, allowing Carly to close the door behind her. A rich, eccentric couple, in their early 60s, walked into the foyer.

"Oh, it's our favorite maid!" Mrs. Lincecum said with delight.

"Favorite?" questioned Mr. Lincecum. "Oh, yes, her!"

Carly bowed before her employers.

"Good afternoon, Mr. and Mrs. Lincecum! I'm here to pick up my paycheck! Oh, and to lay low for a little bit."

"Ah, of course!" exclaimed Mr. Lincecum. "It's in my office. I'll go get it."

"Thanks!"

As he walked off, Mrs. Lincecum approached Carly.

"I know it's your off day, Carly, but Savannah quit today!"

Carly gasped. "Not Savannah!"

"Who's Savannah?" asked Vanessa.

"Oh, she's one of the part-time maids here, like me! She was so fun to be around! A couple Saturday nights ago, we hung out in town! We saw this hottie, and she pushed me into giving him my number! She was supportive of me being happy... unlike some people!"

"Oh, so someone wants you dead and I'm the bad guy for keeping you from flirting?" snapped Vanessa.

Mrs. Lincecum gasped. "Someone wants you dead? Oh my!"

"It's for this play we're doing together," Carly said, explaining what Vanessa meant. "This is my friend, Vanessa! She's new in town, still hasn't figured out what all the cool kids say around here."

Mrs. Lincecum breathed a sigh of relief.

"Oh. Thank goodness! I thought you were in real trouble!"

"No, ma'am! I'm just me!"

Carly then whispered something to Vanessa.

"They're nice, but fragile. Spooking them's not a good idea."

Vanessa nodded in understanding. She played along with Carly's ruse.

"Oh, yeah! Carly here's teaching me how to talk like a real Florida girl, you betcha!"

Carly smiled.

"So, Mrs. Lincecum, about Savannah..."

"Ah, yes! You see, it was Savannah's day to clean the east wing! I called Patricia and she volunteered to come in early and take her place. But she would only be leaving her other job now. I know it's your day off, Carly, but would you mind filling in until she gets here?"

"Of course!"

"Good girl. Spare outfits are at the full-timers' quarters!"

"Thanks!" Carly said as Mrs. Lincecum walked away.

Carly then turned to Vanessa and smiled. Vanessa could immediately tell what she was thinking, and she did not like it.

"Nuh-uh! No way! If you think that you're going to get me to dress up in one of those frilly maid outfits, Carly, then you're sadly mistaken!"

* * *

10 minutes later, Vanessa, dressed in one of those frilly maid outfits, grumbled in annoyance as she stood in the study, while Carly used a feather duster to clean in the background.

"You look so **CUTE**!" squealed Carly.

"I suddenly remember why I don't like hanging around with you," Vanessa mumbled.

* * *

Back at the hotel, Doofenshmirtz was now in the main meeting hall, giving his speech to a packed room of nearly 500 evildoers. Unfortunately, it did not seem to be going well. One-third of the room had fallen asleep, another third were sitting there with bored looks on their faces, and the last third had turned their attention elsewhere, either getting on their small electronic devices or chatting with the people around them.

"...and now you know the 20-step plan to getting a nemesis!" Doofenshmirtz exclaimed. "Now, onto my second key point to being a successful evildoer... developing a crippling emotional backstory!"

Doofenshmirtz, in the middle of the stage, signaled the guy at the podium, who was working the computer, to move on to the next slide in his presentation. He then turned to the screen, expecting photos detailing some of his backstory. Instead, a photo of Vanessa, dressed in nothing but her red swimming team one-piece, appeared.

"Wait, that's not right!"

But before he could signal for the assistant to click to the next slide, the room suddenly came to life with the sounds of interesting murmurs, whistling, and excessive cowbell ringing. The attention of every single person in the room was on the screen, looking at Doofenshmirtz's swimsuit-clad daughter. Questions started being shouted at Doofenshmirtz from the audience.

"Who's that?"

"She's cute!"

"Is she your girlfriend?"

"Her with him? In what society?"

"Is it lunchtime yet?"

* * *

Vanessa marched out of the mansion, now dressed in her everyday attire once more. Carly was right behind, also in the outfit she had come in, although it had miraculously been washed and dried fully in the hour they had been there. The brunette then stopped, turning to issue the blonde an ultimatum.

"That last hour didn't happen, Carly! Got it?"

Carly nodded. "Got it!"

She waited until Vanessa started walking away. With Vanessa's back turned, Carly pulled out the projection device, which the brunette had given back off-screen, and booted up a picture of Vanessa in the maid get-up.

"Save," she said under her breath.

The device complied. Carly then pocketed it again before Vanessa could notice.

"Okay," Vanessa thought aloud, "so now we have a plan. We go to their place, you'll apologize, and hopefully that will convince them to drop the hit. Okay?"

Vanessa waited for a response. But none came. She stopped and spun around. Carly had disappeared from sight, despite the fact that they had been standing in the midst of the plantation, where there was virtually nowhere to hide.

"Carly?"

Suddenly, there was a scream.

"**EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKK!**"

"**CARLY!**"

Vanessa heard the scream come from the line of trees on the south end of the estate, in the direction of the dock. She was about to give chase when she suddenly felt something hit her in the back of the leg.

"Ow!"

She looked over her shoulder and saw that there was now a tranquilizer dart sticking out of the back of her left leg. She quickly deduced where it had come from and saw a Cuban man stand up from behind an overturned wheelbarrow. He was holding up a bamboo dart blower, which was his weapon of choice.

"You have got to be kidding me!" grumbled Vanessa. "**REALLY? A DART BLOWER?**"

Vanessa's rage quickly subsided, though, as the tranquilizer did its job and quickly weakened her muscles. She dropped to her knees, and then to the ground. Her eyes slowly closed and she drifted off into unconsciousness, but not before seeing her attacker grin maliciously as he walked towards her.

* * *

Meanwhile, Doofenshmirtz was getting upset with the crowd, who kept shouting questions about Vanessa, whose swim team photo was still plastered on the screen.

"Hey, you!" he finally shouted at the assistant. "Turn that off!"

He complied, pressing the backwards button on the program to go back to the previous, word-filled slide. Doofenshmirtz then turned his attention to the rowdy audience.

"And you all, quiet down! What, what's wrong with you people? That's my daughter that you're all drooling over! And she's 16! **16! **I know 95 percent of you are at least 21! Even you, Dr. Shortlegs, great nephew of Dr. Diminutive!"

Pan over to the aforementioned Dr. Shortlegs, who looked like and had the same height as Dr. Diminutive, only a few decades younger.

"Then why is she in the presentation, genius?" asked someone in the crowd.

"I must've mistaken that family photo for a diagram I had created for this speech! It must've happened when I asked her how to insert pictures into slide presentations."

"So, she's also your assistant?"

"Well, she was for a time, but she doesn't do..."

"Is she evil?"

"Sorta..."

Suddenly, Doofenshmirtz wised up, realizing the guy was goading him into talking more about Vanessa instead of stopping.

"Wait, why should you care? No more talk about Vanessa! You're supposed to be learning how to be a successful evildoer!"

"But you're boring!" another guy in the audience shouted.

"We might learn better if she were the one doing the presentation!"

"Really?" an annoyed Doofenshmirtz grumbled. "You'd rather see an inexperienced teenage girl talk about backstories when I'm the one who has actually lived through them?"

"**YES!**" the crowd yelled. "**OR WE WALK!"**

The crowd was now loudly calling for Vanessa to take over. Doofenshmirtz was not pleased, but at the same time, he did not want everyone to leave before he had finished.

"Fine, I'll get her," he relented.

The crowd cheered as Doofenshmirtz exited stage left, pulling out his cell phone from his lab coat pocket as he did.

"Ugh. The things I do for respect."

He looked for Vanessa's new phone number, and started to dial it...

* * *

"Daddy dearest is calling! Pick up!"

Vanessa groaned as she came to, thanks to the sound of her cell phone ringing. Of course, the ringtone was Norm, who was informing her that her dad was calling.

"Daddy dearest is calling! Pick up or you'll be in trouble, young lady!"

Vanessa tried to reach for her jacket pocket to get her phone, but then she suddenly realized that she could not move her left arm. Or her right. Or any part of her body below her neck and above her waist. That was when she started looking around and learning of her situation.

She was tied with a rope to a pole attached to a raft, which was floating adrift in the swamp. In the far-off distance, she heard Carly scream her name.

"**VANESSAAAAAAAA!**"

It was quickly accompanied by the sound of screeching tires. Both that and Carly's voice faded from Vanessa's range of hearing as they moved away.

"Gotta save Carly!" Vanessa told herself aloud.

She began wiggling, attempting to try and get an arm free so she could untie herself. She then heard the worst sound you could possibly hear in a swamp.

Splashes of someone, or something, entering the water.

Vanessa's eyes quickly darted to the shore, and she saw two alligators beginning to swim towards her. Two more did the same from the opposite side, and she could sense another one approaching from behind, even though she could not get herself in a position to visibly confirm it.

"Young lady," Norm the phone app shouted, "you're in trouble now!"

Vanessa only had one response to that.

"You have no idea."

***** End Act Two *****


	3. Act Three

**The Helpless (Act Three)**

**Disclaimer: **Carly is my creation and belongs to me. Vanessa and the other characters of 'Phineas and Ferb' belong to Disney.

* * *

With alligators approaching her from all sides, Vanessa had just seconds to free herself from the ropes and avoid certain death. But the more she tried to wiggle her way out of her bonds, the tighter they seemed to get.

Seeing no way out, Vanessa began to accept the inevitable.

"Man. I hope these alligators are allergic to me."

She was half-joking, but she had to do something to get her mind off of her impending doom. Turning to her left, one of the alligators got real ambitious, as he leaped out of the water with his jaws wide open, aiming to take a bite out of Vanessa's head.

Out of pure instinct, Vanessa turned her head and neck in such a way that the alligator's jaws just missed snapping shut on her. Instead, they closed on the pole holding Vanessa up, snapping it in half. The gator's body didn't miss her, though, as one pair of claws sliced at the ropes, while the other took swipes at what was left of the pole. Thanks to all of that, as well as his momentum, the gator pushed Vanessa off of the raft and into the swamp. Vanessa hit the murky water on her right side, meaning her arm took the brunt of the landing.

No longer bound, Vanessa quickly swam for shore, even with what remained of the rope clinging to her clothes weighing her down somewhat. Seeing their prey trying to escape, the other alligators gave chase. Vanessa tried to think, knowing that if even just one of them got a hold of her, she would be swarmed over in seconds, and it would be all over.

Suddenly, her eyes caught sight of a tree branch hanging low over the swamp. She reached for it, knowing that it was her only chance at survival. She grabbed it with her left arm first, and then her right. With all her might, she pulled herself out of the murky swamp, with water dripping off her clothes, as well as several small pieces of rope. The last part of her out was her right foot, and she got it out just in time, too, as one of the gators tried to bite on it. It was another near miss, as the gator's jaw missed her ankle by an inch or two to her left.

But even though Vanessa was out of the water, she was not out of the woods. She started crawling inward towards the tree trunk, aware that the branch could snap under her weight any second. A couple of the gators attempted to jump up out of the water, one at a time, to snatch Vanessa off of the branch. But she kept her one eye on them, dodging any attempts to pull her back in. The others, though, were smart enough to swim for the shore and wait there by the base of the tree, waiting for Vanessa's inevitable jump down.

"Go away!" Vanessa shouted at her pursuers. "I'm **NOT **lunch!"

She did safely make it to the trunk, and she stood up at the start of the branch, where it was strongest. She was now about five feet off of the ground, too high for the alligators to jump up and get her, as long as she did not let any part of her body dangle beneath the branch she was currently on.

"Now what?" Vanessa asked herself.

Vanessa could not stay up there forever, and the gators were not planning on leaving until they had devoured her. Half of them kept their eyes focused on her, while the other half began to circle the tree, essentially cutting off any possible escape route. Since she was safe, at least for the time being, Vanessa sat down on the branch, being carefully to not rest her full weight on it at any point to avoid an unfortunate fall into the waiting jaws of the predators below. She could catch her breath, as well as contemplate her next move.

"Okay, Vanessa..." she said to herself, aloud, "...you were a secret agent for, what, a week? Surely something in your spy training would be useful right about now."

She thought for a minute. Suddenly, an idea came to mind. One that had nothing to do with her training and everything to do with common sense. She reached down towards her high-heeled boots and started unzipping the left one. She freed her foot from it, and started waving it at the gators, as if it was a piece of meat.

"Hey, boys? You hungry? Well, chew on **THIS**!"

She flung it down to the ground, hitting one of the gators on the snout, zipper-side first. The target shook it off, feeling very little pain from the hit. With nothing to lose, Vanessa did the same with her other boot. That boot hit a different gator, but only in the tail, bouncing off harmlessly.

"Shoot," Vanessa grumbled, snapping her fingers. "I wanted that one to hit heel first."

Vanessa was out of boots, but thankfully, a different alligator was beginning to do what she wanted. This third gator decided to try and eat the leather boot. Even though it was a little on the tough side, he continued to gnaw at it anyway. Seeing that their friend was eating, two of them scrambled over to the other boot. They fought over that one, with one biting down on the sole and the other at the top, near the zipper. The other three still had their eyes on Vanessa, though, and she knew she had to give up something to them as well.

She unzipped her jacket and pulled it off of her. She looked teary-eyed as she took one last look at it, as if she was about to leave a poor puppy behind at an animal shelter because she could no longer afford to keep feeding it.

"I'd say we had some great times together, jacket, but... I have six more of you at home. So..."

With that, she tossed her jacket to the ground. The three remaining alligators fought over it, each grabbing a different part before holding on for dear life, hoping to wrestle it free from the grasp of his friends. With all six gators distracted, Vanessa found an open spot on the ground and jumped down from the tree. Once down, she followed the marshy shoreline all the way back to the road.

* * *

Finally out of danger, Vanessa stopped once more to really figure out her next move. Carly was gone, as were the Cubans she assumed were the ones who jumped them.

"Okay, they took Carly," she thought aloud. "She's alive, for the moment. But for how long?"

She quickly assessed the situation. She was in the middle of nowhere, dressed in nothing but a white T-shirt and black pants, both of which were still dripping wet, and Carly's pink Cadillac convertible sat parked on the shoulder.

"Wait..." Vanessa said, snapping to attention.

Vanessa calmly walked over to the driver's side door of the car. She crossed her fingers on her right hand as her left hand reached for the handle. She slowly pulled on the latch...

...and the door opened. Vanessa smiled.

"I knew it! That's so Carly!"

She sat down, and luck was on her side even more, as Carly had absentmindedly left the keys in the ignition.

"I guess having a friend with no brains **IS **a good thing!"

Vanessa now had a way out of the swamp. But she could not take on the Cuban mob by herself. She would need help.

"Hmmm... if I know Carly..."

She had another idea as she reached over for the glove compartment. Unfortunately, upon opening it, she found it to be empty. Vanessa sighed in disappointment, allowing her left hand to drop to her side, right next to the latch that would open the trunk. She decided to open it anyway, not expecting to find anything useful in there.

But when she reached the back, she was pleasantly surprised with what was in there.

"I'll never admit this to you, Carly, but... you rock!"

She reached in and pulled a few things out. A few minutes later, after finding a change of clothes among the items in the trunk, Vanessa turned the key in the ignition, allowing the convertible to roar to life.

And with that, she was off to rescue Carly.

* * *

Agent P had arrived at the hotel, and he got into the meeting hall just in time to see Doofenshmirtz walk back out on stage. He was hoping to quell the raucous crowd, who was threatening to leave if Vanessa did not come out to take over his presentation.

"Okay," he started to explain, "so here's the deal. I tried to call Vanessa, but we kinda had this argument this morning after I dragged her here against her will, so she's doing the typical 'ignore Dad' thing teenagers do, and..."

"Enough stalling!" someone in the audience shouted. "You promised she'd come!"

"No, I didn't! I never said that!"

"That's it!" exclaimed someone else. "I'm leaving!"

"Me too!" added a third.

Many of the would-be evildoers in the audience began to get up from their seats to head for the exit. But Doofenshmirtz was not going to let them leave easily.

"Not so fast!" Doofenshmirtz barked.

He drew the stage left curtain, revealing his -inator to the crowd.

"**BEHOLD! THE OTHER SLAVE-INATOR! **I had to add 'Other' because I forgot that I built another Slave-inator before that looked different but pretty much performs the same function as this one. I... I dunno why I didn't use that one instead of building a new one, but whatever!"

He pulled out a remote control and pressed a button on it. The Other Slave-inator came to life and started automatically firing in the crowd. Audience members were shot, at a rate of approximately five people per blast, and all those hit immediately stopped what they were doing and stood at attention. And they would not do anything else until instructed to do so by Doofenshmirtz.

Once a few dozen people had been hit, Doofenshmirtz temporarily stopped shooting in order to address them.

"Attention! You will sit back down and applaud at everything I said!"

The affected people followed Doofenshmirtz's command to the letter. So did one who had not yet been hit.

"Dr. Mollusk!" the guy next to shouted. "You were hit?"

"No," Dr. Mollusk responded. "But I've standing and yelling for the past five minutes. I needed a break."

Doofenshmirtz started laughing maniacally as he turned the Other Slave-inator on the rest of the crowd.

"Now, bow before the greatest evildoer... in the **ENTIRE ONE-STATE AREA! **Y'know, 'cause I'm in Florida and this part of the state isn't exactly near the border of any other states... I'm probably overexplaining this."

Panic started to grow in the hall, as now everyone was afraid of being zapped of their own self-control, instead of the original reason they wanted to leave. Screams of terror were heard as people fled, while Agent P ran for the stage.

"You can run, but you'll all soon be bowing down to me!" declared Doofenshmirtz as shots continued firing from the stage.

* * *

Meanwhile, Vanessa was driving like a mad woman as she crashed through a gate leading into a high-class estate community. In the passenger seat, a manila folder was opened to an information sheet on the Cuban mafia don, which listed his home address as 5 Little Havana Court.

The don's large estate also had a gate at the start of his driveway, but Vanessa had no need to drive through this one because it was already open. She made her to the fountain-adorned parking circle near the mansion's front door. There were two men guarding it, who immediately headed over to the pink convertible upon seeing it.

Vanessa hopped out of the car, instead of opening the door and getting out normally, and she was dressed in an apricot-colored catsuit, like the one she used to wear as a spy. Wrapped around her waist was a utility belt, with an assortment of gadgets filling some of the holsters.

"Aren't you a little too old for Halloween?" joked one of the guardsmen.

"What're you supposed to be?" asked the other. "A window washer?"

Vanessa reached for her belt and pulled out a tube of lipstick.

"Alright, you goons! Tell me where Carly is, or else!"

The two men were confused.

"Ben, why is she pointing lipstick at us?"

"Maybe she's going to give us a makeover before we take care of her!"

The two started laughing. Vanessa growled, not happy that they were not taking her seriously.

"You mean you've never seen a lipstick that shoots lasers?"

She turned the dial, waiting for a laser to fire out a warning shot, and perhaps singe one of the men's clothes a little. But all it did was push more of the lipstick out. Again, the men laughed.

"Allen! I think this dame's delusional!"

"I hear you! Laser lipstick? **HA!**"

Vanessa tossed the lipstick and reached for the hair dryer, pointing it Allen's head.

"Eat grappling hook! Or sticky gum! Or... whatever comes out of this thing!"

Vanessa looked determined to take care of the blockades in her way, but when she pressed the trigger, the only thing that came out... was hot air.

You would think the two guards would have laughed at that, too. But, unfortunately, by this point they were tired of fooling around.

"The boss doesn't like trespassers," Allen said, in a serious tone. "Ben, let us show her what we're supposed to do with trespassers."

The two showed what they meant, pointing at their gun holsters, which were clipped to their belts. Vanessa randomly reached for another object in her utility belt, hoping to find an actual gadget disguised as a beauty item, instead of just a plain old beauty item.

"**A-HA!**" yelled Vanessa, pulling out a small jar of acne cream.

Not intimidated in the least, the men continued their approach, getting ever so close to getting their hands on the brunette. But Vanessa knew she had found a gadget this time, as she turned the jar so that the bottom of it was facing her, and she saw a small button on it. She pressed it. The top of the jar quickly twisted itself off, revealing that there was no cream in it. Instead, it had a small fan; one which was capable of producing winds of up to 60 miles per hour in an instant.

The gusty winds came without warning, and the two men were quickly blown off of their feet and sent tumbling into the fountain. They were both knocked out upon hitting their heads on its porcelain center.

Vanessa turned off the gadget afterwards.

"Wasn't expecting that, but... whatevs."

* * *

A few minutes later, another of the don's men was sent flying through the door leading into his office. His two personal guards reached into their jackets, ready to pull out guns on the intruder. But the don raised his arm, signaling them to not do that... for now.

The man who had been kicked through the mahogany door was groaning in pain as Vanessa stepped over and him.

"Sorry," she apologized. "Guess I don't know my own strength. But, hey, I'm me! Or, at least, that's how the song goes."

The don was not happy with an American teenager invading his home with no rhyme or reason. But, cooler heads prevailed, and he was willing to wait for an explanation before taking action.

"What are you doing, busting into my house and hurting my men? That one you just KO'd was two days away from being eligible for full health benefits."

Vanessa drew out a hair dryer - this one a different color than the first - and pointed it at the don.

"Tell me what you've done to Carly! If you've so much as hurt one strand of her blonde hair, so help me..."

"Whoa, whoa, **WHOA!**" the don responded, trying to calm Vanessa down. "What is all of this about?"

Vanessa lowered the hair dryer slightly, but she kept her finger on the trigger, in case she had to use it.

"Carly! My friend! You put a hit on her!"

"I put hits on a lot of people. You'll have to be more specific."

Suddenly, two men entered the room. They pulled in Carly with them, each holding an arm of hers. One of them began to speak.

"Hey, boss, we got that girl you want- **YOU!**"

He and Vanessa both recognized each at the same time.

"**BLONDIE'S FRIEND!**"

"**THE DART BLOWER GUY!**"

The man pulled out his dart blower and started to load, but by that point Vanessa already had turned to him and had the hair dryer gadget pointed at his head.

"Whoa, whoa, **WHOA!**" yelled the don once more, as he came out from behind his desk. "**WHOA!** Will someone explain what's going on here, preferably **BEFORE **I have to bust some heads?"

Vanessa looked at Carly, and then decided on her own to explain the situation.

* * *

Back at the meeting hall, about a quarter of the initial audience of 500 had been hit by the Other Slave-inator by this point, and were all at Doofenshmirtz's command. Agent P, though, decided that enough was enough, and that it was time to intervene.

And it would start with a roundhouse kick to the face, which sent Doofenshmirtz stumbling backwards a few steps.

"**OW! **Perry the Platypus, what are you doing in Florida? I didn't even tell you I was coming here!"

Perry did not answer his question, instead deciding to use a roundhouse kick once more, this time to his stomach. That hit knocked Doofenshmirtz into the Other Slave-inator, forcing his arm to flip a large switch from Forward to Reverse. The -inator then started firing randomly back into the audience. It managed to hit only anyone who had been hit by the original ray blasts, restoring their free will.

"Oh, come on! I hadn't even gotten a quarter of the crowd yet!"

He tried to flip the switch back to Forward, but by this point, everyone was back to normal. The -inator continued to fire, though, and those who had not fled the meeting room yet were now racing for the exits. Doofenshmirtz pulled the switch with all his might, but it ended up being too much, as the lever broke off in his hands. The machine then proceeded to overload, signaling to Agent P that it was time to skedaddle.

"I'm the 7,953rd most respected evildoer in the country! You can't do this to me!"

Perry was about to leave, but suddenly, he had a change of heart. He motioned as if to head to the Other Slave-inator to stop it from blowing up, but then he made an abrupt turn and taped a small letter-sized envelope to Doofenshmirtz's forehead.

"Why does this have my name on it?" he asked as Perry saluted, then ran off, as expected. "Is this a hotel bill for a one night's stay, 'cause I clearly stated I wasn't staying the night! **CURSE YOU, PERRY THE PLATYPUS!**"

The Other Slave-inator then exploded, leaving the large meeting hall a black, sooty mess, with chairs and -inator parts scattered everywhere.

"I knew I should've paid cash..." grumbled Doofenshmirtz.

* * *

Back at the Cuban don's estate...

"**WHAT?**"

Vanessa jumped out of her seat, a bit miffed after what she had just heard. She, Carly, and the don were now sitting around a glass table on the don's outdoor patio.

"You're telling me," Vanessa recounted the events, "that you never put a hit out on Carly?"

"The thought did cross my mind," the don admitted, "but after checking the books, I realized that was a red industry. I had been taking losses in the sugar smuggling business for months! I'm surprised I hadn't lost the mansion because of it!"

"As for putting one out because Carly turned down a date with your son?"

"Why would I do that? Upsetting, yes, but worth a hit? Heavens, no!"

Vanessa then turned towards her blonde associate. Carly was uneasy as she tried to explain herself.

"He's a Cuban don! They'll put hits out for anything! Well, at least the ones in the movies do."

"And I suppose you American blondes don't use a ton of hair products, flirt with cute boys, and are complete airheads!" shot back the don.

Carly gasped. "How dare you! That's racist!"

Vanessa groaned. "Carly, that doesn't make any sense."

"Yes, it does!"

Carly smiled, convinced that she was right. Vanessa shook her head and rolled her eyes, and then turned to attention back to the mafia don.

"That only leaves one question. If you never put a hit on Carly, then why did you send your men after her?"

"Oh, that?"

The don reached into his right pants pocket and pulled out...

"**MY CELL PHONE!**"

Carly took back her pink smartphone.

"Oh, I thought it had lost it! I must've dropped it when I ran away from here in fear!"

Vanessa sighed. "Well, at least one of us got ours back. Thanks to you, Carly, mine's probably being digested by an alligator right now."

Carly was giddy as she caressed her phone. She got up from her seat and started walking away from the table and towards the side gate. Vanessa bowed before the don in apology.

"Sorry for all the trouble we caused. Just send a bill to the agency and they'll pay for the damages."

Vanessa handed him a JAILBAIT business card.

"But you're wearing the same kind of outfit she was earlier! You mean you're not..."

She cut him off. "No. Only wearing things 'cause I have nothing else, and my ex-partner **APPARENTLY **kept a spare of my old uniform in her car trunk!"

"**ADMIT IT, DOOFY!**" yelled Carly. "**YOU WANNA BE A SPY AGAIN!**"

"**NO! AND DON'T CALL ME DOOFY!**"

With that, Vanessa started to follow her ex-partner out the gate.

"One more thing!" shouted the don, convincing Vanessa to voluntarily stop to see what it was.

"Yes?"

"Would you like to take my boy Esteban on a date?"

Vanessa opened her mouth to answer, but Carly ran back and stopped her, putting her hand over her mouth.

"Vanessa! Don't say no!"

The brunette removed the blonde's hand from her mouth.

"I have to! I have a boyfriend!"

"That's no excuse! I've dated other guys even when I'm taken."

"I'm not like you! Besides, what's the worse he can do if I say no?"

* * *

The gate to the estate was slammed shut behind Vanessa and Carly, who had been thrown out and were now sitting on the ground, rubbing their sore backsides.

"You just **HAD **to say no!" grumbled Carly.

Vanessa glared at her. She then got to her feet and walked to the convertible, which had been pushed out onto the street before the girls had been tossed.

"Don't gimme that! I would've said yes in your situation!"

She said that last sentence, having already forgotten that this whole mess started with her saying 'no.'

* * *

Carly drove Vanessa back to Seagulch, parking in the hotel lot next to the car the latter's father had rented. Both girls were now in better spirits. Vanessa's reason was immediately apparent, as she had her new smartphone back.

"It was nice of the guys at the agency to get my phone back. And it's just like it was before it got eaten by gators!"

She then decided to attempt to deactivate the Norm app.

"No hablo inglés," Norm said in response to her action.

"Well, almost."

Carly then explained why she was happy again. "And thanks for talking to Jerry! Not only do I get to keep my job, but my suspension's been lifted! I'm a full-time spy again!"

Carly hugged Vanessa in thanks.

"He was a little disappointed that I wasn't calling him to come back," Vanessa explained, "but when I told him that you were really sorry for what you did and I vouched that you wouldn't do it again, he agreed to un-suspend you. That, and I said that since they don't have me, you're the only real agent they have. It would be impossible to keep the agency open without a spy of your caliber! Besides... everyone should be good at something."

"Oh, Vanessa! That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me that they weren't lying to me about! Thank you!"

Doofenshmirtz emerged from the hotel's front door, still a little blackened after the explosion, and feeling much lighter in the wallet after having to pay for it.

"**DAD!**" Vanessa shouted, seeing his state. "What happened?"

"**VANESSA!**" Doofenshmirtz exclaimed, spotting Vanessa's apricot-colored catsuit. "What's up with that? Did you sign up to drive a race car behind my back?"

Carly waved hello to Vanessa's father.

"Good afternoon, Mr. Doofenshmirtz!"

"Oh, you! I remember you! Vanessa's weird out-of-town pen pal friend or whatever. But I don't recall your name..."

Carly gladly answered for him.

"Carly Adams-Chrysanthemum-Montgomery-Ward!"

Vanessa facepalmed. "Just couldn't live without one full namedrop, could you?"

"Nope!"

Doctor Doofenshmirtz then took out an envelope from his inner lab coat pocket and handed it to Carly. It was the same envelope that Agent P had taped to his face earlier.

"This is yours. It had my name on it when Perry the Platypus taped it to my forehead, but when I opened it, it was addressed to you. Go figure."

Carly took it and removed the contents. It was a greeting card that read 'Sorry to hear you've been suspended.'

"I didn't know you knew Perry the Platypus," Doofenshmirtz said, beginning to eye Carly suspiciously. "Are you a secret agent or something?"

"Yeah, remember? I saved your lif-"

This time, it was Vanessa's turn to cover up Carly's mouth.

"Of course not, Dad!" Vanessa exclaimed. "That's silly!"

She then pulled Carly aside to whisper her a friendly reminder.

"It took me forever to get him to forget about the whole 'Rodney construction' incident, as well as you being there! Supposed to all be a secret, remember?"

"Okay, okay! But does that mean I have to forget your dad's evil?"

"Yes. Unless you can convince my mom he is, then no."

Doofenshmirtz sighed as he took out the key fob to the rental car and used it to disarm the alarm.

"Come on, Vanessa. Our flight back to Danville is in four hours and it takes at least two to get to the airport. Plus it'll still be rush hour when we get there, so... unless you want stay in this backwater place for another day."

"Okay, Dad!"

Doofenshmirtz started the car up. Vanessa was about to hop in, but Carly grabbed her by the arm. She had one last thing to say before her friend left.

"Vanessa. I... I'm sorry for ruining your vacation. I..."

Vanessa hushed her.

"As annoying as it was, I have to admit... it was kinda fun."

"Really?"

Vanessa smiled. "Really."

"We're still friends?"

"We're still friends!"

With that, Vanessa got into the car. She buckled her seatbelt, and her father backed out of the parking space. Vanessa lowered her window to say one last goodbye.

"So," Carly said, speaking up first as she leaned into the car. "In a couple years we'll be going to college! Since we're still friends and all, maybe I can convince you to come to Florida so we can be roomies?"

Vanessa went wide-eyed. She barely survived a week being Carly's partner. She did not want to imagine spending eight months a year under the same roof for four years.

"**FLOOR IT, DAD!**"

Doofenshmirtz complied without question, slamming his left foot on the gas and rocketing the car out of the parking lot, turning north and heading out of town. Carly was a little stunned by Vanessa's sudden departure. It took her a minute before she could process a response.

"**SO, I CAN PUT THAT DOWN AS A MAYBE?**"

But by that point, the car was already out of sight.

"I'll put that down as a maybe," Carly told herself.

***** The End *****

**Author's Notes:**  
So, first off, apologies for this last part coming out a week later than expected. But, what can you do? Hurricane/Superstorm Sandy came through that day. Strangely enough, even though I was expecting to lose power at some point during the storm, I never did. Hmmm... oh well.

Anyway, those of you who read the "Vanessa's Moral Wars" trilogy in the past were probably glad to see ditzy Carly again! Sadly, though, this is the last time you'll be seeing her, as I'm retiring the character. I may still do Vanessa stories at some point in the future, but this mini-series is it for Carly, who has kind of run out of usefulness in terms of story ideas. Also, I'd like to steer future works with Vanessa in them back towards canon. Especially figuring out what I want to do with Monty, despite the fact that I'm a Ferb-Vanessa fan. With "Fireside Diaries" about to start up again, though, don't expect anything until after New Year's.

Thanks for reading this short mini-series, and if you liked it, favorite it and/or leave a review! I'd really appreciate it! Until next time!


End file.
